'In Every Life, There Was A Love'

Every now and then, thoughts that seem to be distant, once all too familiar and moving; comes into the now-existence as if by their own whims and fancies. All familiarly caustic. I tell myself these aren't the ones to revisit, but like paths forced upon my way - i thread them reluctantly.

It was probably one of the more bittersweet experiences that i have had chance to encounter and on occasion it comes back to me. Not that it means anything anymore. It used to. I tell myself it's all behind me now.

We had just taken a 'breather' from a years' worth of juvenile affection. It was just getting too strained. She had to leave for another place due to studies. I had to stay because i had already started on my 'stepping stones' to varsity. So mutually (I tell myself, and God is the only one who really knows), we stepped away.

I went back to hang out with my high-school gang. As surely as teenage crushes bloomed then fell, it's always the case of neglecting your friends during those said times - but they never had any problems with that as i could always somehow manage to find myself back into the 'puzzle' (whatever was new, whatever was the current) with ease.

Then one fine day during my really spontaneous make of mind, i decided to go for a party (I suppose since it was Taiping, I can actually count the number of these type of events which i've attended with just my 2 hands...), not knowing who would be there or what would happen. I didn't care anyways.

As starcrossed as we were, we were there that night.

I couldn't take my eyes off her the whole night. Somehow hoping, somehow wanting to talk. It would be possible that there was nothing that could be engaging in a post-steady relationship conversation, but it didn't matter. I just wanted to hold her attention. I just wanted her to know.
That she would always be special, that somehow in my naive thoughts; she had even became the One. But as dumb as i was then, i knew that it was unachievable.

I moved closer to her, and when i reached; nothing came. For half a minute i stood retarded. The music playing in the background and the dimmed environment probably nudged me to say what i did:

"Is it ok if we dance?, I don't think we ever danced", half smiling.

She was a bit reluctant to. We were after all, individuals again. But somehow, i guess, at that moment in time, when everything was still fresh; when everything still moved her - she consented.

And so i held her, ever so slightly swaying to the rythm of what was played (I wish i remembered, but it was all so faint and now, it's gone...), we were returning to what was. I put my forehead to hers, and said to her (I have no idea what i said, but i guess it was about) how it was all so stupid that we were only dancing when it had ended and how i wished she would take care of herself when she was studying. After a while i realised i was talking rubbish and decided to just dance.

Like i said, it was all very bittersweet.

( _")