'How Fast We Burn'

[Listening: 'Teen Angst' by M83]

I don't usually lie. I don't usually have the reason to. But on Thursday night, after getting off from the bus and into a cab; I realized that I was faced with a circumstance where I had to--I wouldn't have felt comfortable or safe otherwise. The cabbie recognized me from previously, though I didn't really acknowledge it proper: I might be, or not. I dislike talking to chatty strangers who end up knowing (more than they should:) where my mum lives. So, like the first time, I asked him to drop me off at a nearby hostel (a few blocks away from my aunt's house); and pretended that I was staying there. This was the starting point where he started feigning admiration (it was obvious, man), saying that this is what will make me a good leader in the future etc etc. "Ok," I said to myself.

During the journey he had voiced his dissatisfaction with the younger generation of Indians in his community: they couldn't integrate with the Malays, may they be in schools or institutions of higher learning--they only knew their own, and in their group found fights with ease. Somewhere in our conversation I remember saying, yes, but they do look like they know what they're doing (I think I was very tired that day). It was retorted with: but those are without meaning.

He went on to tell me a story he had heard (or was it a first-hand experience) when he was in the army: a senior officer had gunned down his barracks, injuring one junior recruit, after reaching his boiling-point from repeatedly having his things stolen by a group of mischievous, newer recruits.

"You have the same problem in the hostel?," he asked me. "No," I said. I found his story to be too fictional--too apt for taxi-conversations. Perhaps. He went on to advise me to always keep my money with me (ie: "Take it to the shower, with you!"). "I do that," I lied, and added, "--you can never be too careful with money."

When we reached my destination, I paid him an extra ringgit (the usual is six). That's the rate for nights he said.

I thought to myself: I have no say in this now, do I?--there are no busses operating at night. And got out of the cab, called my mum and asked her to open the gate and told her that I was outside, in front of the hostel and that I still had to wait until the cab was no longer waiting at the traffic light. Then came the hostel guard asking what I was doing at the entrance, and I replied that I was waiting for someone and smiled at him, and after seeing that the taxi was no longer there, I began walking home.

( _")