'...On My Sleeve'

Yesterday, somewhere between me physically 'paper pushing' between floors (an elevator which travels only from the ground to the top, made the stairs a compulsary method of movement, & what for?: to save needless electricity costs from lazy office personnel?!) and imagining the rush of going back to Taiping, yet again for another weekend retreat - my manager got me seated (I'm tempted to add 'and puppy eyed' but it seemed that my thoughts weren't really with the moment at the time) and gave me my 2nd appraisal.

And so, yeah. I'll be confirmed (read: permanent staff, but the increment is yet to be disclosed - I hope it's enough so that I can at least buy some books or cds - it's been a while that I've spent dosh on those..) beginning of October.

I can't wait to take my leave (manager ran through my attendance record and called me a tank, as I haven't taken a single medical certificate - fortunate in the health department I guess). I'll be automatically rewarded with seven days on the first of October. Most probably I'll be venturing down to Kuala Lumpur for a weekend. Have yet to determine which one though. I'm so looking forward to it. (" , )

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It was dark inside, the aisle was cluttered with luggage, feet (people sleep messily too - I guess, on 'no frills' busses..) and an ocassional odd waste paper basket or two. It was the same bus from previous late homecomings. The 9.00 am one, which (usually) would get me back around 11. I shut my eyes while the music was playing in my ears, I was a bit tired but I just couldn't sleep, as usual my thoughts were all over the place - as they are, on nightlong busrides - the same familiar red LED from the digital clock set up at the front made it worse when my eyes were open. After a while, Smashing Pumpkins' 'Try Try Try' came on, playing into the chorus:

'..Try to hold on,
To this heart,
A little bit longer,
Try to hold on:
To this love aloud

Try to hold on,
For this heart's,
A little bit colder,
Try to hold on:
To this love.."

The words and the music hit me then: hard. Right then, I opened my eyes and saw a structure of sorts (pardon my lousy memory) by the other side of the road, with beautiful bright lights.

The moment was curt (I passed it in about a few seconds) but everything was enough to made me think that I was going to tear: I miss(ed) her. Immensely. ( _")