'Motions (Remembering Unemployment)'

'..And those moon songs that you sing your babies
Will be the songs to see you thru

I’ll hear your song, if you want me to
I’ll sing along
and it’s a chance I’ll have to take
and it’s a chance I’ll have to break..'

~ 'Luna' by Smashing Pumpkins ~

I spent that night listening to my older songs. Little-pieces-of-my-heart for the world to hear which I wrote (/ penned on ex-work diaries, guitar string packs, envelopes, cards, old school test-pad papers.. anything which my mind regarded as 'cool' at the time, ..either that or I didn't have anything else which I could have used: yea, & how resourceful of me) during my hiatus from love (was it even that to begin with? - 'love' not 'hiatus'...) and the rat race. Within a span of 6 months, I had probably gained some form of recognition from friends and strangers (some eventually became friends, proof of this: that a world does become smaller when the connectivity of music intertwines life..), but that was all I had. I wasn't on top of the world. I'd still appreciate pensive moments in my room. It held things which kept me there. Interests, peace (quietness maybe, more often than not), and privacy.

I smoked another. A plastic cup half-filled with tap water was my ash tray (my house had piping which sometimes gave out orange and rust colored water). I sat in the dark, with my eyes intently on the screen. I wondered where all of it would take me.

It was already 4 am.

But I had no worry of waking up late the next day. Unemployment gives you that. I had tried the factory area in Kamunting for a job. But none of them would take me: situations / circumstances weren't in my favor.

That was just the beginning.

The steps were laid out.

The maps made.

The motions set.

For a change.

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