'The Observant Machine'

I used to enjoy sleeping to the sound of a humming, rattling and clanking fan. It used a three pin plug, the circular type - nothing like the common looking Malaysian household plug. Could be a rare electrical appliance from the Japanese occupation, but then again that's just a guess. It died when it was about eight i think - in a sense that i could never use it again.

I felt a strange calmness everytime it was running - to the extent that some nights i made it a point that it had to be switched on, so that i could sleep - everyone else could barely tolerate it. As the clanking grew more frequent, mum hid it above the shelf, fearing that it would turn into a fire hazard / accident source - blowing up into flames and torching our home, getting me electrocuted and similiar scenarios where a lot of people end up crying.

Today at work, i thought about that machine and then i felt similiarly close to being one.

A piece of gear. A cog. Or maybe some fulcrum which enables movement, facillitating work of a bigger part, with functionality and significance. But not much significance. I am dispensable. There will always be another. Someone better will come along. Definitely. As surely as there is a tomorrow. But i am what i am: weak as I am powerless.

The only thing that distracted me for a while, was that on the way to dinner, i saw a dog in heat fending off a small group of other dogs, from a bitch. Barking, snarling and biting. Some Indian dude who was still working in a mechanic's shop was obviously enjoying the show, he was laughing. I briskly walked away from the fight (the rest just seemed very curious with the bitch, they kept close distance from it and one by one, the white dog tried to discourage) for thought that i would end up in the general hospital being stitched up as i tell the story of how it all happened (and it's been known that my stories make everyone else laugh but me).

I wish there were more distractions. Less dangerous ones.

( _")