'Feeling the Divergence'

"... And no one felt anything at all,
Detecting ourselves;
As you watch from outside.
And everyone's thrill,
It crashes in your heart..."

~ 'Our Ride to the Rectory' by Team Sleep ~

Turning to my right as he insisted on me staying back after service, to 'help out', to be a 'teacher's assistant' for his classes - i said, "No, i can't". And this was after hearing a sermon on missions mind you : where all the reasons of denying part in God's work and the instincts of self-importance should fall to the small corner of a room, weak and embarrassed.

"I can't do things on short notice, and you've just told me this, this morning". I have to admit after saying those words, i felt prideful. I felt bad, just seconds from it. But regardless of what i said/felt, i didn't apologise.

I'm not sure if i can do anything along these lines anymore - teaching, guiding, being an example. It's been a while since i've last lived/felt like i used to, when i was younger in the church. It's like two different universes or something, then and now.

( _")