'To Discontent But Not Discontinue'

Today i got a few sentences randomly plucked from emails but otherwise all pecked at my soul. It's not the most disturbing thing to get in your inbox from your boss, i agree, but the past few weeks have been peaceful, calm and non-conlicting. But i'm guessing i feel this 'cause i always forgive and never forget.

The 1st one came right after me not doing something which i was supposed to (renaming some file thingie). A fault of mine i admit. And i did admit it, direct. But it seems like after 2 months of paper-shoving i have not improved since the day i came in:-

"You are performing below my expectations. How can we help?"

I mean, like yeah sure you have high expectations. I mean, ALL managers have been trained to drill their workers to the brink of death just to set a standard so that the work would be called 'good' not slipshod. Sure. How can you help? I didn't reply. I'd just be asking for trouble if i did. Though i very much wanted to say, give me another month, if you still think i'm crap, i'm outta here the day after you tell me so. And whos 'we'?

I think i got my 2nd sentence/phrase yesterday (memory lapse like i'm a hundred):-

"....Your tardiness...."

That's the 1st time ever in my life someone has called me 'tardy'. Though i feel slightly honored that a 1119 (used to be a local english standard exam that was thought to be for 'elites') word was used to describe my blind-as-a-bat-with-a-stick-of-dynamite-up-my-rear (i'm thinking that would be the proper human thought, though it was not expressed) approach of doing office work, i was not too happy being called that.

This one's a gem 'cause somehow what i used during my interview ended up biting my ass a couple of weeks ago:-

"You mentioned that you had an eye for details, which i do not see at the moment......"

Sure yeah, at that time you interviewed me i had in my head, "Hmm, i'm compulsive obsessive when i'm doing something i like....". I can imagine a beautiful scene of where i'm running out of a barn and into a rake that's on the ground. Yeah words come back to haunt you, especially if you're me.

So at the end of this what can i sum out to be the entire point of these comments?, well naturally i want to put them together, as a collective, as a whole, as a summary of things to learn and yeah me and my imagination has come up with this:-

"Your tardiness can only be rivalled with your helplessness, and you're blind as a bat not to see it"

or

"You make to be a liar with your messy performance at work"

or

"I never expected you to be this bad, all slipshod and pretentious...."

or (i suppose at the end of the day, i MUST let go)

"There's always room for improvement, tell us how we can help to make you a better person/worker".

~Sigh~

No one's perfect but then again, to most managers; that's just an excuse.

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Dream Sequence #9,121,231 (more or less, i had this a few days ago)

I am at the churchyard on my way to work, i've always seen the advertisement space that's near the side of the main road, for parking within the church's compound. And i'm talking to the parking attendant, strangely i have no recollection of what he/she looks like, or i just didn't care. The attendant is talking to me about my job, he/she (i'll use 'it', next), telling me that everyone at my company is earning more than me and that i should be somewhere else. It constantly tells me that i have a better life in Taiping. And i don't even ask how it knows so much, as probably i know that i'm actually talking to myself in another form. My Daihatsu looks like its usual form though, parked there somewhere near me, in the churchyard.

I had much more to the dream, but somehow as i'm recollecting now, it's just not coming.

Another time then.

:-)