'Dissolve'

1.

She tells me that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I tell her no, that for most of the things I do which she deems hard--it's just a matter of making a routine out of it; it really doesn't take a lot of effort--you just need to do it enough times and it'd be easy after a while. She goes on to tell me that she thinks more often than not, I end up in adverse situations--almost as if I am subconsciously in want of having a difficult life. I smile and say, well that would make anyone a better person now wouldn't it.

2.

I remembered our conversation as I trudged in the rain, my luggage in tow. I looked up at the umbrella I was carrying and noticed a small opening which was allowing drops of rain to fall through. My sleeves and bag were wetter by the minute.

Rain had already seeped through my shoes, socks, trouser legs. Everything got so heavy.

3.

Where does the future lie?

I could see how hard and where the winds were moving, by the way the rain was dancing.

All of us are already in motion, each in our own Trajectories.

I remembered some verse about seeds being sown. And somewhere not too far behind, talents.

I remembered nothing clearly; I was drenched with memories that were fond of touching each other, overlapping, and rain. A bus passed me by at high speed, on one of the roads.

4.

I smiled at the circumstance, no longer trudging.

We keep moving, that's the only thing that we should do, not stay nor stop nor feel sorry for ourselves no matter how unfortunate we may perceive ourselves to be.

There's only this. Only this. Make the most out of it now. Move.

5.

As I neared the jetty I wondered if I could at least become half the person my mother is--if I really really tried--one day.

What's encouraging is that she already thinks that I have the ability to do it.

6.

Why was I afraid to write about the future?

Perhaps it was because I somehow believed that forming a preconception of it would influence what would eventually take place along the way.

Perhaps it was because I've come to realize that it will always be harder to create, than to destroy. And because of this I had felt defeated; felt the need for stagnancy and routines; felt my heart like an anchor, rooting itself deeply into the earth, hungry and interminably searching.

Perhaps it was because it is so Blank, that I simply couldn't imagine it.

Because I was afraid of disappointing you?

7.

Reflecting cupped rain
Tides are forever beating
Breaking without names