'Clay'

Dear ______,

Today I reached the port early and while I was waiting for the ferry to arrive I thought of predestination. And then of course, I thought of you.

I guess as humans, our understanding of things will forever be flawed. Like for how things work, as in really work. And of course, some of the workings of these matters (I believe) will only be revealed to us at the very end. At present we can only speculate and even then we might be wasting our time doing so. But seeing as I had nothing else to do while waiting then, I killed some time exploring it. As I am wont to do.

I remember you telling me that predestination, in the terms which you understand it, meant that everything has already been preordained by a Higher Force. Well God, specifically. Which means that everything that had happened, is happening and will happen in our lives have already been written out Somewhere; that no matter what we do, what we choose, these things are already history there.

In your eyes, predestination does not separate the future from the past. You are a slave to it, unable to divert from its course. You turn around and look behind you, yet the view is the same as what's in front of you; there are no forks in the road. It's just a very long straight path, stretching pass the horizon.

Did this become your turning point? You don't see meaning in things anymore.

Let me tell you what I think:

There are forks in the road every now and then. Always. There are always decisions and then paths after that, then decisions again and so on and so forth. Perhaps I can say that we share a view where there is a Book which has everything concerning us written (and this: I'm referring to a metaphor). Perhaps what we have understood wrongly is how it's written.

Perhaps it might be like this: pages and pages of our stories appear as we walk down life's road, but of course God already knows how it's all going to be. He's standing far ahead of us and everything that we have to go through; all those decisions and what we'll choose - these things are all laid out in front of him. All Seen and Understood. (Time doesn't apply to God, not in the usual sense anyway.)

It's sad sometimes that people think that God is the One who's writing all this. Who will be fit for Salvation, who will be cast into Reprobation.

What I believe ultimately is this: with our will, we are our own writers of our Fate. But then again I might be wrong. Who can be certain? All the same, I can't stand phrases like "it was meant to be" and "this happened for his/her own good" being used, especially when it concerns accidents and death. There's just too many of us living in this world that such things are just bound to happen. Thermodynamic miracles, and everyday accidents. This is both our blessing and curse I guess: never knowing for certain what will happen next. There is much beauty and sadness in that.

I was just thinking about you and all this, there and then this afternoon.

I hope you're well.

( _")