'Gravity'

"... And then i looked up at the sky and saw the sun,
and the way that gravity turns on everyone,
on everyone..."

~ 'Gravity' by Embrace ~

The moment i had taken enough online distractions for my temporary confusion, as to where i'd have to put up in a month's time, i made my way to the diner. Thought that at least fast food would be a familiar comforter, i have my month's pay out anyway. Ordered 2 pieces of fried chicken and for food satisfaction's sake, i made them serve me 2 sides of breast. I will be developing man-tits in my mid-age, i am sure of it.

I washed my hands with the familiar pink soap fluid (the lavatory in my office offers the same thing, the color almost mocks me) and waited for my meal. According to the server, it'd be good in 8 minutes. I swore i waited much longer, with a small plastic numbered indicator on the table for them to send my food to. The air-conditioning made things seem longer. My hands were shivering from the unshed droplets of the wash. Some kid was climbing the barrier near the washing place, he was happy; good for him. His pregnant mother was watching quietly. The room felt almost as empty: as if it was closed, though there were a variety of groups and couples there. My head was set on other things.

I would have to move everything. I would have to find a new place to stay.

I made a call to a number given by an aquaintance for a room after dinner. She said she'd try. I passed her my number.

The moment i reached the entrance to the twin tower of the apartments, i had the urge. A small grocery shop on my left lighted the dark and contoured path in. And somehow a pack was calling out to me (I was financially wise all week till the moment). God was somewhere in those voices too, I'm sure He was asking me to stand clear and clean, however my thoughts at the time were cluttered. I surrendered to the fact that i needed temporary escape. Those sticks-of-death i'd call them. They'd catch up on me one day.

Had one and i made haste back to the apartment. I wanted to have at least a short conversation with the landlady, but no such luck. She wasn't there (and strangely i wasn't angry, a confused frustration but not anger..). I would probably have to wait for that chat. So i chucked my bag and stuff on my bed and went down to the concourse for another session of carbon monoxide.

In my office clothes i sat under the dark night sky. I thought i had seen a star, till probably my messed up perception convinced me that it was moving. Then after a while, it didn't seem like it was moving anymore; one of those tricks the mind plays on self. It was a star after all.

I have to admit, the situation of me looking up at the apartments from the concrete bench near the basketball court almost reached the borderline of voyeurism. I was just expecting to see something explicit from where i was - as i could see all the apartments with their various balconies and windows that exposed small portions of the tenant's homes (but all views minute and too insignificant). No such luck to distract me from the issue at hand. Smoked another 3 and decided to call it a night.

This was yesterday nite.

( _")